Yesterday was my Mom's birthday. She wanted to drive down to the Grand Canyon in Pennslyvania. She went there a lot when she was younger. Every trip down she recites stories of her times in that area when she was growing up and during her young adult life. While I have heard the stories many times over, I never tire of hearing them nor of seeing her face light up as she tells them. Today, she added another story to her collection as a wolf ran right in front of us! These pictures were taken there today. Click on the picture of the observation tower to go to Flickr to see the rest.
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
Monday, November 3, 2008
Torn
As some know, I have been having problems with my place of employment. Since returning after my surgery things have changed. I do not know to be truthful if the principles of the agency have changed or if it is my perception that has shifted. When I was sick, I went to work everyday up to my surgery. I even scheduled my doctor appointments around the needs of my workplace. I put in many many hours the entire time I have been employed there. I put myself, my family second to my job. When I was off recovering from my surgery, I finally was able to put myself first and I promised myself I would I could to keep my priorities in order.
The entire time I was off work, my superiors did not call or inquire on my health status once. I called them periodically to keep them updated. Every time, I recieved their voicemails and left messages that went unreturned. Upon my return to work, I was placed by my Dr on restrictions. Restrictions that I was told would be upheld. They were to be in place for 1 1/2 months. My boss uphelp them for about 2 weeks. I was not really in a position to force them to be upheld either. I reluctantly went back to work with the restrictions in the first place because I was told if I did not return my job was in seriuos jeporday as I had been off for 9 weeks. I have worked at the agency for over 9 years but they said my loyalty and longevity meant nothing in regards to me holding on to my job if I did not return to work after the 9 weeks.
My first week back, my boss had me working 10 hour shifts. I came home every week and literally crashed. I told him it was hard to do. As a result, I worked 12 and 14 hour shifts. I complained about work conditions I worked under. My peers making my shifts hard for me, bordline harrassing me. The way that was resolved was the same peer blocked me in the office telling me what was thought about my complaints and asking me how I dare to make them. I was informed of how dismissed my actions were. I again made a complaint, I again got nowhere. The more I complained, the worse the working conditions became. I asked for a job transfer and was granted one. I can begin at that different location sometime next spring.
Since going back, I see things differently. I think that in some ways my thoughts quickly became those of "they have not been too loyal to me, why should I be to them?" This being said, I decided to find a new job elsewhere. I needed to do what was best for me. I need to find a way to remove myself from the stressors of my job.
This leads me to my conflict. I like my job. No I LOVE my job. I do not want to leave it. I have worked with developmentally disabled adults for the last 9 1/2 years. It is such a rewarding job for me. I know that I do not have an easy job. I am in the position of being hit, kicked, spit at, called some very choice names, and being pulled in many different directions at the same time. But I also am in the position to make some very postive influences on people who need me. I leave work drained at every level : emotionally, phsyically, mentally. But I go back every day because I love the people who I take care of. I would not have lasted there as long as I have if I had not truly connected with those I serve. When I hear from them how glad they are that they have me with them, it makes my day. I see myself as their voices, their advocates, their friend. I do not want to leave that. They have special needs. They do not mean what they say or do. I understand that.
My peers however, is another story.
So this leaves me torn. What do I do? I have been plugging through times by keeping myself reminded of the real reasons that I am there. But the work conditions I am subjected to are starting to really take a toll on me. Is it best to stay? Or is it best to leave? The residents enjoy having me there. I enjioy being there with them. Is it fair to them to leave when it is only those above me who make me want to leave?
The entire time I was off work, my superiors did not call or inquire on my health status once. I called them periodically to keep them updated. Every time, I recieved their voicemails and left messages that went unreturned. Upon my return to work, I was placed by my Dr on restrictions. Restrictions that I was told would be upheld. They were to be in place for 1 1/2 months. My boss uphelp them for about 2 weeks. I was not really in a position to force them to be upheld either. I reluctantly went back to work with the restrictions in the first place because I was told if I did not return my job was in seriuos jeporday as I had been off for 9 weeks. I have worked at the agency for over 9 years but they said my loyalty and longevity meant nothing in regards to me holding on to my job if I did not return to work after the 9 weeks.
My first week back, my boss had me working 10 hour shifts. I came home every week and literally crashed. I told him it was hard to do. As a result, I worked 12 and 14 hour shifts. I complained about work conditions I worked under. My peers making my shifts hard for me, bordline harrassing me. The way that was resolved was the same peer blocked me in the office telling me what was thought about my complaints and asking me how I dare to make them. I was informed of how dismissed my actions were. I again made a complaint, I again got nowhere. The more I complained, the worse the working conditions became. I asked for a job transfer and was granted one. I can begin at that different location sometime next spring.
Since going back, I see things differently. I think that in some ways my thoughts quickly became those of "they have not been too loyal to me, why should I be to them?" This being said, I decided to find a new job elsewhere. I needed to do what was best for me. I need to find a way to remove myself from the stressors of my job.
This leads me to my conflict. I like my job. No I LOVE my job. I do not want to leave it. I have worked with developmentally disabled adults for the last 9 1/2 years. It is such a rewarding job for me. I know that I do not have an easy job. I am in the position of being hit, kicked, spit at, called some very choice names, and being pulled in many different directions at the same time. But I also am in the position to make some very postive influences on people who need me. I leave work drained at every level : emotionally, phsyically, mentally. But I go back every day because I love the people who I take care of. I would not have lasted there as long as I have if I had not truly connected with those I serve. When I hear from them how glad they are that they have me with them, it makes my day. I see myself as their voices, their advocates, their friend. I do not want to leave that. They have special needs. They do not mean what they say or do. I understand that.
My peers however, is another story.
So this leaves me torn. What do I do? I have been plugging through times by keeping myself reminded of the real reasons that I am there. But the work conditions I am subjected to are starting to really take a toll on me. Is it best to stay? Or is it best to leave? The residents enjoy having me there. I enjioy being there with them. Is it fair to them to leave when it is only those above me who make me want to leave?
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Awareness
September was national Gynecological Cancer Awareness Month. I knew this because when I went to see my Gynecological Oncologist the waiting room was overfilled with bagels, beverages, pastries, and fruits. It was accompanied by a sign saying that fresh items were going to be available daily all month in honor of those starting their battles, those in the midst of their battles, those who have won their battles, and those who had succumbed to their battles with gynecological cancer.
October is national Breast Cancer Awareness month. A friend of mine, who just completed her treatments for breast cancer, told me that her oncologist's office does the same thing. What nice simple gestures of kindness to give in the moment. In the moment that makes us stop and reflect.
Speaking for myself, I know that when I was first diagnosed I thought of how lucky I was that I listened to my body. I had things going on and I followed my gut even though I was told I had no need to worry. The sooner that cancer is detected, the greater the survival rate. How to prevent this disease and the warning signs are very important pieces of knowledge. Understanding treatment options, staging, and even your specific diagnosis itself are essential. By all means, if you begin having signs or symptoms do not hesitate on following up with a care provider.
I urge everyone to be on top of pre-screenings and preventions. Sometimes, the greatest risk is being in the mindset of "it won't happen to me." Please be in the mindset of "I will be mindful if it has or does happen to me."
Listed below is the website for the American Cancer Society. Please take a moment to look at it. I is an awesome site and it has search options for all forms of cancer. It educates on warning signs, staging, treatment options as related to each form.
http://www.cancer.org/docroot/home/index.asp
A favorite site of mine worth checking out, www.cancerschmancer.org
The following website is one that my sister found for me. Since then, this site had truly helped me so much. It is an online support forum for those who are undergoing or underwent care. It is such a relief to be able to relate to people going through the same thing and to know that you are not alone. It helps knowing that the fluky things that happen during your battles are normal. It has helped me and those I have encountered there greatly. Anyone in need, I encourage you to check it out.
www.hystersisters.com
You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. ~ Eleanor Roosevelt
October is national Breast Cancer Awareness month. A friend of mine, who just completed her treatments for breast cancer, told me that her oncologist's office does the same thing. What nice simple gestures of kindness to give in the moment. In the moment that makes us stop and reflect.
Speaking for myself, I know that when I was first diagnosed I thought of how lucky I was that I listened to my body. I had things going on and I followed my gut even though I was told I had no need to worry. The sooner that cancer is detected, the greater the survival rate. How to prevent this disease and the warning signs are very important pieces of knowledge. Understanding treatment options, staging, and even your specific diagnosis itself are essential. By all means, if you begin having signs or symptoms do not hesitate on following up with a care provider.
I urge everyone to be on top of pre-screenings and preventions. Sometimes, the greatest risk is being in the mindset of "it won't happen to me." Please be in the mindset of "I will be mindful if it has or does happen to me."
Listed below is the website for the American Cancer Society. Please take a moment to look at it. I is an awesome site and it has search options for all forms of cancer. It educates on warning signs, staging, treatment options as related to each form.
http://www.cancer.org/docroot/home/index.asp
A favorite site of mine worth checking out, www.cancerschmancer.org
The following website is one that my sister found for me. Since then, this site had truly helped me so much. It is an online support forum for those who are undergoing or underwent care. It is such a relief to be able to relate to people going through the same thing and to know that you are not alone. It helps knowing that the fluky things that happen during your battles are normal. It has helped me and those I have encountered there greatly. Anyone in need, I encourage you to check it out.
www.hystersisters.com
You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. ~ Eleanor Roosevelt
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Fingerlake Foliage
Every year I am drawn to the vibrant colors of the leaves. Seeing them change colors in the Fall is one of the best parts of living in NY. The colors are so bright, so rich that they catch your eyes. There is never enough time to drive from one scenic spot to the next to look at the foliage.
The Road
So, this is where the road has taken me.
Earlier this year I went through a batch of testings due to some medical problems. I was told by my doctor that I was fine. I was told it was a hormonal problem and there was no need to worry. I was advised to take some hormonal replacement medications and that my life would be just fine. I knew that something was not right. That was why I went to the doctors in the first place. I could not ignore this voice telling me that if I followed my doctor's advice my life would not be just fine. I kept having this gnawing feeling that something more was brewing inside me. I persisted on more tests. My doctor said she saw no need for them. I continued to persist and she reluctantly ordered more tests. Again, my doctor went with the original diasnosis she gave me of abnormal uterine cells. Again she told me that I was going to be perfectly fine as long as I took some hormonal medications. Again, I was being overwhelmed by a feeling. A feeling that she was wrong. I was terrifed that something was being overlooked. I pelted her with questions and she sent me to a gynocological oncologist "to set my mind at ease"; as she put it. Well, I am glad I listened to that gnawing feeling. The oncologist confirmed that my tests had been misread, I did not have the need for just some hormonal medications. I had a need for surgery. I was diagnosed with Uterine Cancer and had surgery 10 days after having "my mind set to ease". I had been misdiagnosed for almost a year. My oncologist says I am very lucky. By listening to my instincts, I increased my chances of survival greatly. Through surgery all the cancer was able to be removed and I am know seeing life much differntly. Every day truly is a gift. A gift to be cherished. Each day is only what we make of it. Each day is full of new opportunities.
Through my recovery process I had a lot of time to think. I thought about the ordeal I had been through. I wonder how many other people went through similar mishaps. I wondered how many were not as lucky as I was. I wanted to make a stand and do something about it. I spoke with advisory boards, medical maltreatment claims are lenghty ordeals. Not only to mention the wonder of who the wrong truly lied on... the person reading the reports, the doctor relaying the information from the report, or even the person administiring the tests? There are many places involved in finding where the error lied. I wondered what I could do to make a difference. I wondered what the best thing I could do was.
In recent months I have been struggling. Struggling to find my way, my purpose. I have been the "go-to person" as long as I can remember. I am the one people come to for advice, help with their problems, answers to their questions, to vent to when upset, to confide in, to help calm their fears, to share lifes joys with. I have always been there; happy to do all those things. I enjoy being the "go-to person". It give me a sense of purpose. This summer, when the roles reversed, I realized just how beneficial having a support system is.
I have been playing over many different scenarios of options as to what path to follow. What can I do? Do I hire a lawyer and go the malpractice lawsuit route? Do I choose a new career path helping those in need find assistance? Do I volunteer my time to help with our local cancer society chapter? Do I write a book on my case? I spent many hours in bookstores and libraries looking for books on Uterine Cancer, very few exist. It saddens me as Uterine Cancer is one of the most curable cancers if detected early enough. Yet little information seemed to exist. After much thought, I can not explain it but I feel as though I have been pulled towards blogging.
This is the path I have chose to take. What lies ahead is unknown but I am hoping people will join me on that path. Blogging will offer me many different channels. It will give me the chance to educate people on warning signs and the importance of listening to your body. It will give me a chance to offer support and lend an ear to anyone who wants to reach out in their time of need. I plan on celebrating the simple joys of life. It will give me a chance to express how I truly am cherishing life moments.
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